Orange County Death Cafe JUL 3 2025

Notes from Orange County Death Café, July 3, 2025

Facilitated by James McKelvey

ANNOUNCEMENTS:

There are now 7 Death Cafes in Durham and Orange counties:

–1st Thursday of the month, 6:00-8:00 p.m.: Orange County Death Café, Endswell FH,
407 Meadowlands Dr., Hillsborough, moderator: James McKelvey. Registration at
https://endswellfuneralhome.com/news-and-events/

–2nd Monday of the month, 5:45-7:45 p.m.: Hillsborough Death Café, 903 Eno Street,
Hillsborough, facilitated by Neidra Clark. To register contact Neidra at
neidra@mindspring.com.

–Back in Action: 2nd Saturday of the month, 2-4 p.m., Death Café Noire, Durham
South Regional Library, facilitated by Traci Hathaway.

–3rd Monday of the month, 9:30-11:00 a.m.: Daylight Death Café, Seymour Center,
Chapel Hill, facilitated by John Chase. To register, contact the Seymour Center front
desk, 919-968-2070.

–3rd Wednesday of the month, 6:00-8:00 p.m.: Orange County Death Café, Endswell
FH, 407 Meadowlands Dr., Hillsborough, facilitated by Sara Williams. Registration at
https://endswellfuneralhome.com/news-and-events/

–4th Monday of the month, 5:30-7:30 p.m.: Southwest Durham Death Café,
Southwest Regional Library, Shannon Road, Durham, facilitated by Kathy Rudy,
Ph.D. No registration needed.

–4th Thursday of the month, 1:30-3 p.m., LGBTQ+ Death Café, Seymour Center,
Chapel Hill, facilitated by Tsyr Han Chow. To register, contact the Seymour Center
front desk, 919-968-2070.

UPCOMING EVENTS:

–Endswell Lunch and Learn Information Sessions are now regularly scheduled for the 3rd Thursday of the month. Virtual information session June 3 from 6:30-7:00. For more information, please call 919-907-9777.

–Endswell Monthly Movie / Speaker series returns July 24 at 6:30 p.m. with Departures, an award-winning (including the 2009 Oscar for best foreign film) Japanese film. Registration at https://endswellfuneralhome.com/news-and-events/

CONVERSATIONS:

-Palliative vs. Hospice Care

-Self-agency vs. POA taking charge

-Distinction between Health Care Power of Attorney and Durable Power of Attorney

-Distinction between Nurse Practitioner and Physician Assistance

-What happens if you die at home but not under hospice care?

-Terminal sedation

RESOURCES:

Books:

-Callanan, Maggie and Patricia Kelley. Final Gifts: Understanding the Special Awareness, Needs and Communications of the Dying. – LINK

-Haake, Katharine and Gail Wronsky. What Falls Away is Always: Writers over 60 on writing and death – LINK

Films:

–Alternate Endings: Six New Ways to Die in America- https://www.imdb.com/title/tt10720098/

–Departures- https://www.imdb.com/title/tt1069238/

–Get Low- https://www.imdb.com/title/tt1194263/

Websites:

-7 Fears of the Dying: https://www.heartoftheredwoodscommunityhospice.org/the-7-fears-of-dying

–Get Your Shit Together: https://getyourshittogether.org/

-Death Away from Home, Funeral Consumers Alliance: https://funerals.org/get-help/death-away-from-home/

Television:

–Dying for Sex, Hulu, 8 episodes.

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Don’t Panic – It’s OK: A Letter to My Family, by Karen Boudreau, MD

If you are faced with a decision that you’re not ready for,
It’s ok
I’ll try to let you know what I would want for various circumstances,
But if you come to something we haven’t anticipated,
It’s ok
And if you come to a decision point and what you decide results in my death,
It’s ok.
You don’t need to worry that you’ve caused my death – you haven’t –
I will die because of my illness or my body failing or whatever.
You don’t need to feel responsible.
Forgiveness is not required,
But if you feel bad / responsible / guilty,
First of all don’t and second of all,
You are loved and forgiven.

If you’re faced with a snap decision, don’t panic —
Choose comfort,
Choose home,
Choose less intervention,
Choose to be together, at my side, holding my hand,
Singing, laughing, loving, celebrating, and carrying on.
I will keep loving you and watching you and being proud of you.