Orange County Death Cafe Jun 5 2025

Notes from Orange County Death Café

June 5, 2025

Facilitated by James McKelvey

ANNOUNCEMENTS:

There are now 7 Death Cafes in Durham and Orange counties:

–1st  Thursday of the month, 6:00-8:00 p.m.: Orange County Death Café, Endswell FH, 407 Meadowlands Dr., Hillsborough, facilitator TBD. Registration at https://endswellfuneralhome.com/news-and-events/

-2nd Monday of the month, 5:45-7:45 p.m.: Hillsborough Death Café, 903 Eno Street, Hillsborough, facilitated by Neidra Clark. To register contact Neidra at neidra@mindspring.com.

–2nd Saturday of the month, 3:00-4:00 p.m., Death Café Noir, Stanford Warren Library (location may change), Durham, facilitated by Traci Hathaway. For more information contact Traci at hathaway2b@gmail.com.

–3rd Monday of the month, 9:30-11:00 a.m.: Daylight Death Café. Seymour Center, Chapel Hill, facilitated by John Chase. To register contact the Seymour Center front desk, 919-968-2070.

-3rd Wednesday of the month, 6:00-8:00 p.m.: Orange County Death Café, Endswell FH, 407 Meadowlands Dr., Hillsborough, facilitated by Sara Williams. Registration at https://endswellfuneralhome.com/news-and-events/ 

–4th Monday of the month, 5:30-7:30 p.m.: Southwest Durham Death Café, Southwest Regional Library, Shannon Road, Durham, facilitated by Kathy Rudy, Ph.D. No registration needed.

–4th  Thursday of the month, 1:30-3 p.m., LGBTQ+ Death Café, Seymour Center, Chapel Hill, facilitated by Tsyr Han Chow. No need to register at this time.

UPCOMING EVENTS:

–Living Fully and Dying Prepared virtual ongoing class, Tuesdays from 6:00-7:30 p.m. for 6 weeks starting June 10th. It’s not too late to register for weeks 2-6. For more information, contact Holly Menard at http://hollymenard.com/lfdp-order or call 919-606-3332.

-June 18th @ 6:00 pm: Orange County Death Cafe: 3rd Wednesday Edition. A Death Cafe is a welcoming space where people gather to talk openly about death and dying with no agenda or judgment. Typical group size 25-35. Potluck. Please register HERE.

–July 8th @ 6:00 pm: Advance Care Planning Workshop. Betsy Barton with Transitions Hospice will offer a hands-on workshop and discuss advance care planning, living wills, and the 5 Wishes document. Please register HERE. 

–July 19th @ 10:00 am: End-of-Life Planning Workshop. Alan Dickinson, an estate attorney with Clarity Legal Group and Hunter Beattie with Endswell Funeral Home will discuss all aspects of end-of-life planning. See event flier for details. Please register HERE.

–July 27th @ 2 pm: Obituary Writing Workshop. Sara Williams presents Bringing the Dead to Life – The Art of the Obituary. Join us for this hands-on workshop on the art of creating a meaningful obituary. Please register HERE. 

–FCA Biennial Conference (“The Cost of Goodbye: Confronting Funeral Poverty in Our Communities”) will be held June 26-29 in Raleigh!  Registration is now open + more details at https://funerals.org/

CONVERSATIONS:

-What is it about Hospice? From Sarah, a former hospice RN and currently a palliative care Nurse Practitioner: Death is so personal. Sometimes it is fighting. It’s a process – a transition between realms. It can be magical. People don’t even know what it’s like to die – which is where fear sometimes comes in.

-Veronica shared a video from Caitlin Doughty’s YouTube Channel where she covers the 7 different things that cause fear based on an article from the Journal of Abnormal and Social Psychology. Each of these fears can be approached differently. https://youtu.be/3IBsAiDeS4M?si=JeTIdXv8W8oR4hhn

I’m afraid to die because my death would cause grief to my relatives and friends.

I’m afraid to die because all of my ambition, my plans, my projects would come to an end.

I’m afraid to die because I’m afraid the process of death might be painful.

I’m afraid to die because I would no longer be able to have any experiences.

If I died, I would no longer be able to care for my dependents.

I’m afraid to die because I’m afraid of what might happen to me if there is life after death.

I’m afraid to die because of what might happen to my body after I die.

-We discussed ways we want to be remembered and the importance of planning and preparing, writing it down

-At a previous OCDC meeting, Janet announced there was an update with medical aid in dying here in NC, and we could get more information at dyingrightnc.org.

BOOKS:

–Smoke Gets in Your Eyes and Other Lessons From the Cremator, Caitlin Doughty

–The Beauty of What Remains:  How Our Greatest Fear Becomes Our Greatest Gift

–Being Mortal, Atul Gawande

*Mentioned in a previous OCDC: Waiting for the Last Bus: Reflections on
Life and Death, Richard Holloway.